


Love Was Never Easy

by secondalto



Series: A Love Supreme [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Character Death, Feelings, Multi, World War Threesome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-20
Updated: 2019-06-20
Packaged: 2020-05-15 10:23:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19293796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/secondalto/pseuds/secondalto
Summary: Peggy's view of how she fell in love with two super soldiers, and how she moved on.





	Love Was Never Easy

**Author's Note:**

> This took a while to write, mostly because I knew how angsty it would get past a certain point. I made MYSELF cry writing the end of this. With thanks as always to Rainne who made this a thousand times better.

Peggy knows her life will never be the same the moment she lays eyes on Steven Rogers. There he is, quite noticeable among the other candidates for the formula. There’s something about him. There’s the way his jaw is set, just so, muscle in his cheek twitching. His shoulders set as far back as he can, despite the pain she knows he must be in because of his spine. And those eyes. They’re fiercely blue, staring out over a too big nose, daring anyone, ANYONE, to say something to him.

She looks at the file Abraham had sent her, disbelieving that he wants someone with so many problems to be the poster child for his wild idea. But the scientist had urged her to meet him. Now, looking at him, she can see why Abe chose him.

“You know Phillips will never go for it,” she tells him afterwards. 

“He will, trust me,” Abe says enigmatically.

Peggy looks over the other candidates who dwarf Steve by a foot or more. “Let’s see how he does in training.”

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

By time Steve is ready to step into Stark’s contraption, Peggy feels the need to thank James Barnes for everything he did to keep Steve alive. That and say a few prayers to the angels who must be watching over him. Steve had been talking about his best friend constantly. Peggy feels like she knows Barnes intimately despite never having met the man. She only hopes that he’s still alive, where ever in the war he is. 

It’s only been two weeks since she first saw Steve standing proudly defiant amongst men who were twice his size. But Peggy wishes she had more time with him. More time with this small, brave man who’s ready to die for something bigger than himself.

When she hears his screams of pain she calls for Howard to stop it, stop everything, but then she hears his voice, insisting that he can do it, he can finish this crazy scheme. Peggy hopes she won’t have Steve’s death on her hands. She’s not sure she could live with herself if Steve were to perish. Then the thing stops, tilts to the vertical, and hisses open. The adonis that steps out can’t be Steve. But then he looks right at her with those same eyes. Peggy has never swooned a day in her life, but in that instant it’s a near thing. As Abraham and Howard help him out, she reaches for him before realizing how unprofessional that is.

“How do you feel?” she asks.

He looks down at her. (Down at her, how strange) “Taller,” he quips. That’s the Steve Rogers she’s come to know.

Everything after that is a blur. A gunshot. Abraham down. Someone running. She grabs a gun, following him. She fires, hoping to hit the murderer. But then Steve knocks into her and she misses wildly. She curses, watching as he chases after the other man. Then she goes back into the building, finding that Abraham is dead. The generals are huddled in a corner as Howard digs up a sheet to cover Abe. 

When Steve returns carrying the assassin over one shoulder like he weighs nothing at all, Peggy lets out a breath. The military brass is unimpressed, especially Phillips. They're going to send Steve out on a tour of America. The hope of an army of soldiers like Steve died with Erskine. As doctors whisk him away to draw blood and run other tests. She approaches Phillips. 

“What will happen now, Colonel?” 

Phillips huffs. “Maybe one of those white coated ninnies can figure out what Erskine did from Rogers’s blood. Makes me wish Stark knew more about medicine than machines.”

“And me?”

“ You're coming with me to the front. You're a smart one, Carter. I'd hate to lose you.”

Peggy takes that as a dismissal. She leaves to rescue Steve from the doctors. He looks so sad and lonely sitting on the exam table. With a nod. Peggy dismissed everyone. Steve looked up at her eyes filled with anger and sadness. 

“Peggy, I….”

She steps in right in front of him, slapping his cheek.

“Peggy,”he gasps.

She holds up a finger. “That was for pushing me out of the way,” she says. Then she grabs his shirt with both hands pulling him down into a kiss. It takes a moment for him to respond. But then he kisses her back. She wants to keep doing this, wants to do much more. And so she pulls back. “And that was for being the man you were before.”

“I don't think that's ever going to change. Peggy. I wish, I wish I could stay with you,” he admits.

“As do I, Steve,” she replies. “Write to me. Margaret Carter, SSR. The mail will find its way to me.”

“Of course.” Steve promises. “Peggy, I..... ‘

She puts the finger on his lips again. “No emotional declarations, Rogers. You have an assignment to report to.”

“ Yes, ma'am, Agent Carter,” he answers around the finger. She kisses him again, a laugh bubbling up inside her.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Steve's letters come sporadically as does all mail on the front. He writes about the places he goes to the people he meets. There are drawings, towns, children, but most often of Brooklyn. Once there was a portrait of his mother. Peggy can see parts of Steve in her. But more often than not, there are sketches of two people: herself and James Barnes. She has mixed feelings about this. She goes, she cares for Steve deeply. She might even be in love with him. But the connection he has with James is obviously deep and profound. When his most recent letter says he's coming to Italy, she puts all of that aside. 

The show is entertaining enough, but Steve’s outfit is ridiculous. He's the brightest thing up there on the stage. When it's all over, she finds him backstage. 

She berates him over thinking that his only two choices are lab rat or dancing monkey. Erskine wanted so much more for him. She wants more for him. Steve points out that there isn’t much more he can do. They watch as troops are taken to the medical tent.

The change in Steve's demeanor and the moment he finds out about the 107th is astounding. He's worried and anxious. Peggy trails after him feeling somewhat helpless. He doesn't want to believe his friend is dead. Peggy wants to shake him, make him face the truth. But the stubborn set of his job makes several end she makes a call to Stark.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

it's a good thing there’s a war on to keep her occupied. Otherwise, Peggy would be going mad with worry. It's been almost four days since they dropped Steve over enemy lines. She's deciphering a message from headquarters when she hears the commotion outside. She manages to pull one of the privates aside. 

“Whatever is going on?”

“Whole bunch of troops marching our way man headed by a guy in blue helmet.”

Steve.

She thanks the young man letting him go. There's a small part of her that wants to fuss with her hair, her lipstick. Instead she marches out of the tent, heading for the crowd. The men recognize that she is in charge, making way for her at the front. The stamp of feet marching is somewhat deafening. But there, right at the front, is Steve. Dirty, dusty, but alive and his smile wide open at the man on his left. Peggy recognizes him instantly. James Barnes. She feels a small stab of jealousy. Then Steve looks her way and smiles just as bright. Her heart skips. All too soon he's standing in front of her, grin a little going a little cocky. 

“You're late,” she says. 

“Couldn't call my ride,” he says, holding up the broken communicator. 

“Let's hear it for Captain America!”

Peggy glances up at Barnes as he shouts this. His face goes from pride to doubt to pain fairly quickly. The last puzzle piece slots into place for Peggy. Of course these two men are total idiots. Well, she'll just have to do something about that and quickly.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The knock on her door comes right at eight o’clock. Peggy is grateful that they are punctual. But when she opens her door, only James is standing there. He’s clean and in uniform, presenting a dashing figure, but Peggy gives him a look, wondering where Steve is.

 

“He’s coming,” James assures her. “Just a little later. I wanted to talk, just us.”

“Very well,” Peggy says, stepping back to let him in. “Would you like more to drink? I’ve got some brandy around here somewhere.”

“No, I’m good thank you,” James replies. 

She leads him into the living area. There are two battered chairs, he takes one, she the other. “What did you want to talk about?”

“Steve. He’s told me some things about you. There was plenty of to talk on the march here.”

“I’m sure.”

“And he told me that he’s only kissed you once. After he got…,” James waves his hand up and down as if to indicate Steve’s new height and build.

“Yes, that’s true. But I would like to think that I got to know him well before that. When he was still small.”

James nods. “What about now?”

“I’d like to… to explore,” Peggy says. “He wrote to me, while we were apart. He wrote often of you, your family. I have sketches he made. You and your family are his family. He talked of you so much that I know what you mean to each other. Seeing how you were together, when I saw you march side by side, I understand what that really implies.”

“You’re not gonna blue card us?”

“No. I don’t understand the silly notion that what two people feel for each other could be wrong in any way. I went to an all girls school. I may have had… experiences there that could be deemed illegal.”

James’ expression goes into one of surprise. Then he gives her a little leer. “So, what exactly did you have in mind? What do you want?”

“I’m quite fond of Steve. Perhaps a little in love. I don’t think I could ever come close to what the two of you have together.”

“No, I don’t think you can,” James interrupts.

“No, but I’d like to see what could be.”

“What about me?”

“You aren’t hard on the eyes,” Peggy admits freely, getting a grin from James in return. “I admire you. Everything you did for Steve before I met him. I think I’d like to get to know you better. Maybe we could ...:

“Maybe,” James replies. He stands slowly from the chair. “Can I kiss you?”

Peggy gets up, taking a step towards him. “Kissing is a good start, yes.”

James also steps closer, reaching for her. She lets him pull her in, her body flush with his. He’s not as tall as Steve, and less bulky. She can tell he’s had a hard time of it out there in the field. James cups her face gently. He has callouses from firing a gun. Peggy likes them, wonders how they’ll feel on her body. Then he’s kissing her. It’s chaste and sweet at first, but then she wraps her arms around his neck and licks across his bottom lip.

They stand there, pressing closer and closer together when a noise breaks through their haze. They break apart slowly, both turning to see Steve standing in the entryway. Peggy smiles at him. “Hello, darling.”

“God, you two….”

“You liked what you saw?”

Steve nods.

“Then be a dear and lock the door. We have a lot to talk about.”

Steve turns, locking the door before turning back to her and James. Peggy releases James, stepping back to sit in her chair. James lets Steve sit, he collapses to the floor right by Steve’s feet.  
“So, as I was telling James, I’d like to explore what you and I have together. I told him at the bar we could share.”

“And how does that work?” Steve asks, his hand absently going to James’ head.

“We date.”

“Not that easy to do in a war, doll,” James comments, leaning into Steve’s touch.

Peggy sits back, thinking for a moment. “We disguise it as work,” she says at last. “If I have dinner with one or both of you, we can pretend we’re discussing past or upcoming missions. I can bring papers to make it look like that.”

Both men grin. “You got a smart one there, Stevie,” James says.

“We’ve got her, Buck,” Steve replies. “I don’t mind sharing if you don’t. You either, Pegs.”

“I wouldn’t have suggested it if I did.”

“Well, maybe next time we get together we can talk about the things you wanna do once we know each other better. I for one would like to know more about that boarding school of yours,” James says.

“That can be arranged,” Peggy grins.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

James is the first to get time with Peggy. Steve’s been dragged away by the brass to discuss tactics and whatever else they can think of. She’s decided that their excuse is going to be logistics. As a Sergeant it’s James’s job to make sure his team is supplied and Peggy is just the person to help him with that. He walks her home afterwards, kissing her hand as he leaves.

Next, Steve gets time alone with Peggy. She brings up the possibility that people will talk about them. She has known him since before his Captain America days.

“I’m okay with it,” Steve says. “I’m more worried about you, Pegs.”

“I know my worth, as does Phillips. But what about James? How will he feel?”

“He doesn’t care. He’s got us, and that’s all the matters.”

That proves hauntingly true when James returns from his mission silent and paler than usual. Peggy and Steve just hold him all night, letting him shake and cry silently in their arms.

It goes on like that for about a month. Peggy gifts Steve with pictures of herself and James to put in his compass. She is ready to handle the gossip. James refuses the offer of pictures. Peggy doesn’t need his explanation of why, but she thought she should offer anyway. Nearing the fifth week of their ‘dating’, Peggy gently suggest they move forward.

Their first time is awkwardly sweet. Steve and James show up at her quarters, both looking nervous. She lets them in, settling the men quickly, She puts Steve at ease by kissing him. And then when she turns to James he smirks and pulls her in for one of his own. They fumble and blush as clothes are removed. There's laughter when they discover that Steve has been supplied with enough prophylactics to last the rest of the war. They drift to her far-too-small twin bed. 

Steve takes her gently until she and both she and James encourage him to be a bit more rough. The end results in the best Peggy's ever had. Then she turns to James who tries to beg off, his cock stiff and leaking. She gives him a sly look before tending to him with hands and mouth. His cries of “Please, God, Pegs, please,” spur her on until he’s spent. They all lie in a heap on the bed, dazed but satisfied. Before the night is over she watches as Steve takes James. Their love for another is so pure and so deep, Peggy feels like an intruder. They leave before sunrise, kissing each other lovingly. They try to be all together as often as they can. But sometimes it's just her and Steve or her and James. 

One night as Steve and James bicker over something trivial, Peggy realizes she loves them both deeply. When she tells them so, Steve enthusiastically responds back. James just nods, oddly reluctant to say it back. But after that night, the gifting begins. New stockings, pilfered rouge, wild flowers or bits of ribbon. It's James's way of loving her. 

One Thursday, her men have just returned from Calais. They will be going to debrief shortly but they sneak into her office first. James is holding a box under one arm. 

“I'm glad to see you both safe and sound,” she says. “And what is that you have, Sergeant?”

James grins handing the box over. “It's something we're hoping you’d wear tonight. We're going to have the next three days free.”

Peggy takes the box. “I'm sure we can find plenty of ways to fill the hours. Go debrief. My quarters, eight o'clock”  
.  
“Yes, ma'am.” they reply, leaving her office.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The boys arrive at Peggy's cottage, clean and eager. She greets them at the door in a robe. James leers at her while Steve looks around to make sure no one else is there to see her dressed like that. Kissing each of them on the cheek she lets them in before closing and locking the door behind them. She is never more glad than now to live at the end of a row of empty cottages. She leads them slowly and seductively back to her bedroom, saying nothing. She knows they will follow. They always do. She has the biggest mattress that Howard could find for her, set in a frame carved from old oak wood. It was payment for keeping quiet about certain… women in Howard’s life. And it was far better than the cot she’d had previously.

Once inside the bedroom, she sits in a chair in front of her vanity, crossing her legs slowly and seductively. She looks at the two boys, two men. Both stare at her with open desire. She can tell that James is slightly quivering with want and Steve is barely holding on.

“Now, gentlemen,” she says. “I'm going to treat you very, very well. Especially you, James, as thanks for my present.”

James grins..”You like it, Pegs?”

“Of course, my dear. Now, you're going to give me a show. The both of you. I want you to undress each other slowly. Like a burlesque. Tantalize me. I want plenty of slow touches and kisses. Do you understand?”

They both nod, turning to each other. Steve steps in closer, James leans in. The kiss is slow and sweet. Peggy sits back, just a bit jealous of the love they have for each other. James cups Steve’s face as Steve’s hands wander to James’s tie. The whisper of the cloth against James’ shirt sends shivers down Peggy’s spine. The way they move together, know each other so well, it makes her wet. She adjusts in the chair as they both start to unbutton shirts. The gradual slide of button from hole, revealing skin. Steve moans as James runs a finger over his nipples. Belts next, followed by pants. Clothes kicked away as they kiss and lick and feel. By the time they are completely naked, their cocks are hard. They kiss a final time before stepping back from one another to turn to her.

“Don't you to make a pretty sight,”she says. “Now, over to the bed with you. There is a new container of slick on the end table. Steve, I want you to open James up, slowly. Make him beg for it. And then you're going to sit with your back against the headboard and he's going to sit on your lap facing me.”

“Yes, ma'am.” Steve replies, pulling Becky towards the bed.

While they are busy Peggy discreetly adjusts herself in the chair again. She knows she’s wet as hell. But she wants this to continue. This is for them. She is going to teach them a thing or two about seduction. Already Bucky is on his hands knees with two of Steve’s fingers deep inside of him. He looks so debauched that Peggy wants to go over and kiss him, but not yet.

James is swearing and begging. “Please, please, please, fuck, more, more. God.” Then he looks up at Peggy, hair plastered to his forehead. “Pegs. Pegs, please, Pegs. Oh, God, please.”

“Not yet. James.” 

Steve chooses right then to pull his fingers out of James. He moves to sit on the bed, back right up against the headboard, cock jumping straight up. Peggy motions with a hand for James to do as she told him to. He turns with his back facing Steve's chest. Steve guides him slowly, oh slowly onto his cock. Peggy licks her lips as James sinks down moaning and whining all the way through.

“Oh, my darlings. You look good enough to eat.” she purrs. “Now, Steve, you're going to hold him there.” She picks up a tube of lipstick off of her vanity and opens it up applying it liberally. 

“Is that?” Steve asks.

“Yes. It's the one that James got me. We're going to see how it looks all over his pretty cock.”

Both men moan at that. Then Peggy puts the lipstick down, stands, and opens her robe, letting it fall to the floor. She is wearing only a bra and panty set in black lace. It's what was in the box other than the lipstick. 

James groans. “I knew they’d look good on you.” 

“Yes, I think they’re my new favorites. But now I'm going to show my appreciation for you, James. You can come when you need to.” 

With that said she climbs onto the bed on hands and knees crawling towards him. She is right in front of him, his cock fully in her sight. She takes one hand to hold it up and dips her head to press one bright red kiss on the base of it, leaving a print behind. She listens as he groans out her name before placing another kiss right above the first. She continues up the shaft missing the head and moving to the side just a little going back down.

He trembles under her. Steve digs his fingers into James's hips, keeping him still. She can feel Steve twitching his hips every so often which makes James moan more .Once she’s covered his cock in bright red lip prints, she finally pays attention to the head where he is leaking everywhere. She licks around it, cleaning him up. Then she looks right into his eyes. 

“Are you ready James?” He can do nothing but sob out her name before she wraps her lips around the head of his cock and sucks. It only takes two or three motions of her lips before he’s spilling inside of her mouth, gasping and swearing. She swallows it all. She pulls off and moves up to kiss him. He responds enthusiastically pulling her in close. When they finish. she leans past James to kiss Steve. 

“God,” Steve says afterwards. “That was so fucking unbelievable.”

“Now.”she says, sitting up on her knees. “I'm going to get a cloth clean you up. Then Steve and I are going to fuck you.”

“God. Pegs, please, please, please,” he begs

“Since you asked so nicely….” Getting off the bed, she pads off to the bathroom, returning with a warm, wet cloth. She leisurely cleans the lipstick from his cock. When she’s finished he’s already half hard. She goes back to her vanity to pluck a prophylactic out before opening it and rolling on him. And then she peels off her bra and panties. Again, she climbs up onto the bed, moving to him before rising above him and sinking onto his cock. She leans in to kiss Steve again, then James.

“Are you ready?”

“Yes, ma'am.” James says, putting his own hands on her waist.

With that she begins to ride him. Soon. they get into a familiar rhythm; Steve bucking up into James as she pulls off, Steve pulling out as she sinks onto him. It is all James can do to just moan and whine and call their names. It’s a song she knows by heart. She squeezes him, kissing his cheeks and kissing Steve before devouring his mouth. And she rides on and on and on. She can feel Steve pushing into James as he pushes up into her. All too soon their movements became sloppy and fast and hard and she loves every fucking second of it. With one last hard push Steve is spilling into James. And then James is spilling into her as he pinches her clit. She cries out, collapsing onto them both. When she stirs, Steve tips them over to the side so that they collapse to the mattress in a tangle of limbs.

“God, Pegs,” Steve breathes out. “I love it when you get all forceful.”

“Well, we have the rest of the weekend to find out just how forceful I can be.”

At the end of their time together, she finds herself with Steve in her cunt and James in her arse. She is at their mercy but she’s never felt safer or more loved than right then. Buffeted between them she pours her love out for them. Late Sunday evening finds her men dressed and kissing her goodbye. They leave with promises to do this again as soon as possible. Peggy watches them walk down the lane before closing the door to head for a bath. The world seems full of possibilities.

A week later, James is gone. 

By the time she manages to pull Steve out of the bar all they can do is climb into a cot and hold each other as they sob. There's nothing more they can do. Their love is gone. The next day, they are busy planning their assault on Schmidt’s base. Little does Peggy know that the kiss Steve gives her in the speeding car is the last she will ever have. Not an hour later after that she is begging him with everything, every fiber of her being.

“Steve… Steve….” But he doesn't answer her. She can feel the wetness of her eyes.But she won't let the tears spill Not now. Not here. As the crackle of the radio hisses in her ears, she stands, straightening her shirt and her skirt, mustering up all the courage she has to walk out of there.

Morita, who she had taken the microphone from, follows behind her. He says nothing, but his face must convey something because everyone moves out of her way as she stalks down the halls. Eyes avert from her, greetings vanish. She finds herself heading for the exit, she needs to get outside, to breathe in fresh air.

Just beyond the door, the rest of the Commandos are there. No one can beat Army men for gossip. Dugan just holds open his arms and Peggy walks right into them. He holds her close. Only then does she start to cry. She vaguely hears the voices of the other men, feels their gentle touches as she sobs out her grief.

She doesn’t remember falling asleep, but she must have, because she wakes up on a cot, Monty in a chair beside her. He gives her a wan smile.

“You’ve been asleep half the day, Carter. I was beginning to get worried,” he says.

“I’m… well,” she says, sitting up slowly. 

“Are you up for a visitor?”

Peggy nods. Monty gets up, opens the door to let Howard in. With a whisper in Howard’s ear, Monty leaves them alone. Howard murmurs condolences, asking after her well being. Before she can answer, he blusters on about the SSR moving to America and wanting her there. She agrees immediately. Europe holds far too many memories for her now.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Peggy is at the automat having lunch and cursing Jack Thompson. Three months as an Agent and he still treats her as a glorified secretary. She’s correcting his grammar when she hears someone say her name. The voice is unfamiliar but when she looks up, the face is one she knows well.

“You’re Becca, aren’t you?” she asks.

“How did you…?”

“Steve’s sketches,” Peggy answers, gesturing for Becca to sit across from her. “He loved to draw his family. How did you find me?”

“Army chaplain. He came to check on us, asked if there was anything he could do for us. I wanted to meet you, so he said he’d see what he could find out.”

Peggy nods. Chaplains got more done that anyone ever knew. She’d made a point of befriending every one she’d met. “What can I do for you?”

“Well, Miss Carter, I was hoping you’d tell me more about them. Steve and Bucky. I’ve seen the newsreels. Saw your picture in that compass Stevie had. But I knew them. Wherever Steve was, Bucky was always there.

“Yes, they were inseparable,” Peggy laughs. She launches into the story of Steve rescuing James, minus the possible torture James had gone through. 

“So Steve really was big, like in the pictures?”

“He was. I was there when it happened,” Peggy says. “But I knew him before that. He was still the same kind hearted stubborn man he was before.”

“That’s our Steve.”

“I would love to tell you more, but I have to return to work soon. Could I write you?”

“Oh, sure,” Becca says, waiting for Peggy to find a piece of paper before rattling off an address. 

“I’ll be sure to also send some of Steve’s sketches that I think you and your family would like to have,” Peggy says.

“Thank you so much, Miss Carter,” Becca replies. “I also have something for you.” She reaches into her purse, pulling out a pamphlet and passing it to her. “That’s the cemetery where their markers are. Even though there were no bodies, Ma insisted it was only proper. Steve is next to his Ma and Bucky’s next to him. If you wanted to visit.”

“Thank you,” Peggy whispers, tucking the pamphlet in with the rest of her papers. “I might on a day off.”

They both stand from the table, shaking hands and saying goodbye. Later, Peggy arranges for flowers to be delivered once a month to the cemetery. She’s already said her goodbyes. Going there will only cause her more heartbreak.

*~**~*~*~*~*~*

Falling for Daniel is a pleasant surprise. The first year they know each other is … rocky to say the least. But by the time he actually asks her on a date all that unpleasantness is behind them. Over time their friendship grows into a steady and abiding love, far different from the all consuming and fiery love she had for Steve and James. Peggy knows they would want her to be happy. 

Daniel proposes on New Year’s of ‘48. They marry that May. Gabe Jones gives her away. Her parents might have been able to overlook Steve as he was an international war hero, but not Daniel who is not only an American, but a cripple. It doesn’t matter to her, she’s surrounded by her real family; the Howlies, Angie, Edwin and Ana, and Howard. By Christmas she’s expecting. No one but Daniel and Howard know until she’s showing in her sixth month. But by then she’s deputy director of SHIELD under Phillps and he knows well enough to keep her there. 

She and Daniel talk names often. They finally decide on James Michael for a boy. Michael is for her brother, but Daniel believes James is for his grandfather. Peggy will never tell him it’s for a Irish-American brunet with a devilish smirk. When her son is born in May of ‘49, she loves him the instant she lays eyes on him. When he briefly blinks at her with dark brown eyes, she gets emotional, tears flowing down her face. The nurses chalk it up to hormones. Peggy knows that she’s mourning the fact that none of her children will have eyes that are the bright blue of a Brooklyn morning or the grey-blue of the Atlantic at dusk. Later, when she’s feeding her little Jamie, Daniel comments on how their son has her eyes, she just nods and bites her lip.

Two years later she has twin daughters, Angela Marie and Sarah Grace. The pregnancy and birth are hard. Peggy thinks seriously about whether or not there will be more. Four years pass before Phillip Steven comes along. He is the last. But like his brother and sisters, he is loved and welcome. They are all raised on stories of their mother’s war exploits and how she knew Captain America and the Howling Commandos.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

1970 Camp Lehigh

Peggy stares at the space Steve had occupied just seconds ago. Before she can allow herself to react, she has a job to do. She pulls a handkerchief from her pocket, wrapping the Tesseract in it. The trip to the basement is uneventful. The Tesseract returns to its cube shape when she puts it back in the vault. Explaining the damage to the vault will be a problem for the future. When she returns to her office, she locks the door and pulls the shades closed. She sits at her desk in the dark and finally allows herself to cry. Great heaving sobs wrack her body. Her Steve, her James… they are alive. They are together. They are happy. Without her. She loves Daniel, loves her children and the life they’ve had; but in the back of her mind there’s always been the what if, the maybe, the possible. 

When the sobs lessen, she sits up, pulling open a drawer. Far in the back is a photo album. She pulls it out, opening it. There in black and white, and a handful of color, is her war romance. Her and Steve and James, living, laughing, loving. All pictures taken by those who knew and loved them. This is just for her. The world can have the fiction of her and Captain America. She, Peggy Carter, loved Steve Rogers and James Barnes. There is a part of her that will always love them. 

Her will states that this will go to Sarah when she dies. Her youngest daughter is the only person in her family who knows. Maybe, if and when the time is right, the world can know about the three of them. But for now, it’s hers. She wipes her eyes, takes a few deep breaths. She says another goodbye to her loves as she closes the album, tucking it back away. There’s the business of keeping the world safe to attend to. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

2012 

She’s hallucinating. Or having a good dream. Steve doesn’t look a day older than when she last saw him. But his eyes, they’re so sad. She reaches up to cup his face. It’s solid under her hand.

“Oh, my love, I’ve missed you,” she breathes. “I must be dead.”

He covers her hand with his, a solid weight against her fragile skin. “No, Pegs. Not yet. You owe me a dance.”

Peggy is fairly positive they’ve already had it. In an office somewhere. But Steve had looked older then. More world weary.

“Is James with you? The rascal hasn’t brought me a present in years,” she says, looking for the man in question.

Steve stumbles out an answer. “He couldn’t come, Pegs. Too busy.”

“Well, you tell him to come next time. My two soldiers. I was so lucky to have you.” 

“We were the lucky ones, Pegs,” Steve murmurs, turning his head to kiss her hand.

“And don’t you forget it, Captain Rogers,” she says. It makes Steve laugh. She’s always loved Steve’s laugh.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

2016

She’s in and out of consciousness. Voices surround her. Jamie, Angie, Sarah, Phillip. The grandchildren. Their faces float in and out of her mind. There is a part of her that knows she’s dying. Peggy is ready. Nick is in charge of SHIELD now. The world is in good hands. She’ll be seeing her men soon. Daniel. Steve. James. Oh what a time they must be having in the afterlife.

There’s a hubbub in the room. She barely opens her eyes to see… Sharon, that’s the name she’s looking for.

“Aunt Peggy, I’ve brought someone special to see you.”

She can’t nod, just closes her eyes, breathing slowly. There is a warm hand holding hers now. A voice from her past. The voice of a ghost.

“It’s okay, Pegs. You can go now. Me and Buck, we’ll be fine. I’m looking for him now. We love you Pegs. Go on, rest now.”

She breathes her last, the face of her husband and her two great loves the last thing she thinks about.


End file.
